Nail Biting

"How can I stop biting my nails? it drives me crazy!"

~JM

I do not bite my fingernails, but I do bite my cuticles, and I have for years -- no, decades.  That makes me something of a hypocrite, doling out the advice on a bad habit that I share, but maybe putting it into words again will help me take my own advice for one, last, successful try.  So what do you say, JM?  Shall we kick this bad habit together?

First, some motivation.  Why should we stop biting our nails and cuticles?  Because it is an unsanitary and unsightly habit.  All sorts of germs and grime build up around and under our nail beds every day, yet we insist upon sticking them right in our mouths, exposing ourselves to all that nasty stuff!  Perhaps by keeping our grubby fingers away from our mouths (and eyes and noses) we can avoid the flu this year.  Finger nibbling is also remarkably unattractive.  When I have my fingers in my mouth, I know how nervous I must look.  It can't be good for the image of competence and confidence that I want to convey to the world.  Even worse, it is a self-destructive habit that leaves my fingers looking disgusting and bloody and feeling tender and sore.  It is not a pretty state of affairs.

Despite the obvious drawbacks of nail and cuticle biting, it is a habit that is incredibly hard to break.  It offers comfort in situations of uncertainty, relieves boredom, and assuages anxiety.  It is a crutch, and a very difficult one to leave behind. 

Below are some of the reasons I bite, and some tools and approaches to help overcome the habit.

Situation 1: Boredom
Sometimes I bite my cuticles out of sheer boredom.  There is nothing to do.  Nothing to fixate on.  I am bored, so I start picking at that hang nail, and before you know it, I've got it between my teeth and my thumb is bleeding again.  Oops!

Solutions:

• Foul-Tasting Nailpolish -- Just the stuff they sell at the drug store.  This won't stop me if I am dead-set on biting.  What it will do, however, is remind me "You're not supposed to have your fingers in your mouth!" The nail polish should bring my attention to what I'm doing before it's too late.  With the taste of rubber tires on my tongue, it's harder to keep the habit mindless.  Awareness is an important step in combating boredom biting.   
• Will-Power -- Once I notice that I'm biting my fingers, it is up to me to stop it.  This will take some serious will-power.  I like to think of myself as a super-hero, battling some super-human force.  That's certainly how it feels sometimes!  Must... keep... fingers... in... lap!  And no picking with your other fingers either!
• Distraction -- Keeping busy so that you don't get bored is a good idea.  Take up knitting!  That will keep your fingers out of your lap.  If you can't do something like knitting, or if you're afraid the other guys will make fun of you for your new hobby, carry a couple of worry balls or a squishy toy to knead -- anything to eat up the boredom while you fight the impulse to bite those nails.

Situation 2: Obsessive Compulsion
It must seem strange to an outsider, but when I mangle my fingers to a disgusting mess, it is in the pursuit of perfection.  A tiny hang nail can drive me mad.  I must be rid of it.  I want my fingers to be smooth and seamless.  I am sure that you feel the same way about your nails!  That little shard of fingernail that snags on your shirt?  You MUST get it off!  No amount of foul nail polish can stop me once I get in this cycle.  It's a visceral compulsion, and I chase those little snags obsessively until they are gone.  Unfortunately, it leaves my fingers completely wrecked. 

Solutions

• Nail Clippers -- Keep those little snags in check so that they do not make a slave out of you.  Go ahead and buy ten pairs.  Keep one in every room of the house that you like to hang out in, another in your desk at work, and a pair in your pocket or your purse.  You're going to need them.
• Will Power -- There it is again.  That most difficult and most effective tool. 
• Physical Restraints --  I know how crazy this sounds, but I also know how crazy I get when I bite compulsively.  Physically restraining my hands (sitting on them, for instance) can help me to wait out the urge. 
• Backup -- The watchful eyes and well-placed nags of my husband come in really handy.  His attention gives me a reason to try harder to stop.

Situations 3 & 4: Social Anxiety and High Stress
I am paring these two because they are similar in source and should be dealt with similarly.  I find myself biting my cuticles a lot when I am in social situations and am a little bit nervous (the holidays are a really bad time for that with all the parties), when I am at work and in a stressful meeting, and when I am just burdened by anxiety and stress in general.  If I have a lot to do and don't know how I can possibly get it done, or if I feel on the spot and am unsure of how to act, biting becomes an outlet for my anxiety.  It is something safe and predictable that uses up my nervous energy.  It's so familiar that it feels almost like some strange self-destructive security blanket.  It is incredibly difficult to give up on something that is so reliably comforting.

Solutions:

• Relaxation Techniques -- Confront your anxiety.  Find coping mechanisms to help you deal with it in ways that aren't so self destructive.  Practice meditation.  Exercise more.  Get better sleep.  Try to treat  your body well so that you can handle stress in a healthier way.
• Deep Breathing -- In social situations, you can not just take ten minutes out for meditation, but you can concentrate on breathing deeply.  Fixating on this will distract you from your nails while encouraging your body to release relaxing chemical signals that will help set you at ease. 
• Self-Awareness -- Notice when you find your fingers in your mouth and recognize how nervous it makes you look.  The nailpolish will help for this.  Remind yourself gently and put your hands in your pockets instead.

Situation 5: Ingrained Habit
You have been biting your fingernails for so long that your body does it naturally.  It is no longer something you control consciously with logic and reason, it is now something that your body does of its own accord when you are not paying close enough attention. 

Solutions

• Awareness -- Again, you have to recognize when you are doing this every single time and stop as soon as you notice it.  The nailpolish or a nagging family member will help with this.
• Reason -- Stop and think when you notice yourself biting.  "Why am I biting?"  Talk through all the reasons you should stop and all the reasons to stop right this instant, not "just after this last nail!" Talk yourself into using the nail-clippers instead.
• Positive Incentive -- Promise yourself something nice when your nails get to a certain length!  Reward your good behavior.  Give yourself something to work for and something positive to think about every time you stop yourself and combat your habit. 
• Negative Incentive -- Studies show that negative incentives are more effective at getting people to quit bad habits than positive ones.  My negative incentive might be a $5 contribution to something or someone I really, really hate (like a Neo-con political agenda) every time I catch myself biting my cuticles.  If all else fails, set up a scheme like this with a friend to keep you honest.  Every time you break your promise, you have to spend your money, in an amount big enough to hurt, to support something that makes your blood boil.  You absolutely must have someone keeping you honest on this or you won't do it.  It can't be something nice like fixing cleft pallets in third world children, because then you'll feel good about it.  It has to be something that you absolutely hate or it won't work.  When all else fails, this technique will probably work if you do it honestly.

Good luck with your quitting!  My fingers actually look pretty good this week, so I think that I'm in a good place to start.  It is always easier to start with nice smooth fingers than with really ragged ones.  I plan on buying a few new sets of nail clippers this week and some of that nail polish stuff.  I will also tell my husband of my intentions so that he can catch me in the act and keep me honest. 

I wish you lots and lots of willpower, because that is the hardest and most important thing to maintain when quitting a bad habit.  Look at it this way, though: if people can quit heroin and crystal meth, we can quit biting our nails and cuticles!